Pope changes words of Creed

Pope Benedict - in new 'user-friendly' attire.





In a stunning move prior to his US visit next week, Pope Benedict XVI has decided to change the words of the Nicene Creed. Despite the fact that these words have been an affirmation of the Faith of the Church since 325AD, the Holy Father feels that the new words will help Americans feel good about themselves, which is, of course, the purpose of the Catholic Faith. For many years now, large numbers of Mass-goers have expressed difficulties, and had "issues," with some of the words in the Creed. Particularly troubling to many is the idea of hierarchy; why, they ask, in the New Millennium, are we still saying every week that we believe in "One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church"? Even though we might have the evidence of both Scripture and Tradition, in the immortal words of 'Bishop' Vicky Robinson, "just because Scripture and Tradition say something is wrong doesn't mean it is wrong"! Despite the appeal of St. Ignatius of Antioch, writing in the year 100AD, exhorting the first Christians to unite around the three-fold ministry of Bishop, Priest and Deacon, the hierarchic leadership of the Church - Pope Benedict has decided that, from April 1st, 2009, the Feast of All Fools, we will now say every Sunday - "we believe in One, Holy, Democratic Church, however we each conceive it."


Also, on that date in 2009, Father Richard McBrien will be named the new Archbishop of New York, Sister Joan Chittister will be named the first female Cardinal and ABC News will be inundated with reports of flying pink animals in the sky, squealing and snorting.